A Little Life Story

I just wanted to give a little bit of a background to my dating life. I realize I already blogged less than 15 hours ago but I just wanted to give a little background to those who don't know me. My first boyfriend was in kindergarten. His name was Joshua. He was so cute. Then after that I just became the nerdy girl that no one really liked but I never knew that. I kept trying to get the attention of everyone especially the boys. My mother says I've always been a flirt, even since I was a toddler. As I got older I became less geeky and more cute but I was still stuck in the mind set that I was a complete loser and no one liked me.
When I was 12 my world came caving in. I found out my parents were getting a divorce. I had always looked to their marriage as perfect and one I hoped to have some day but nevertheless they were splitting up. Without my dad around, I had no real male figure in my home. I looked to boys and relationships as a way to fill that void. So through puberty and up I've been trying to fill an empty hole with guys and more guys.
The teen years are when you are supposed to find out who you are or want to be. I never gave myself that chance since I was always trying to be Mr. Cute Guy's perfect girl.
I eventually changed myself so much and so often I never truly figured out what I like. I did do one thing. I ended up hating myself. Last year I hated myself right into a hospital for eight days. No, I was not suicidal. But I sure didn't feel like living at the time. This is a sad part of my story. I don't really like to tell it but I feel it is necessary to give you the full effect of what early dating can do.
The wonderful thing about what happened was I realized I had a problem. That problem was that I was being co-dependent on someone to make me feel happy. I had several friends and doctors give me the advice to stop dating for a while and really take the time to figure out who I am. I am finally taking that advice eight months later. I wish I could thank each of those people now personally. Hopefully when I am a better me, I can.