Thursday, August 12, 2010

Yesterday and Some Other Important Stuff.

First off, people, people, please, I did not start this blog to have every point of my life criticized. I did say I would blog about every day. I am keeping to that promise. There are a few things I must change about this though. If you do not hear from me everyday, know I will make up for it. I am committed to finding myself. Originally I decided I would do this alone because my heart was ripped out and taken away. But that person and I are now talking again and he gave me my heart back. As much as I have tried to get over it without him, I haven't. I will simply do this with him. So now there are only a few rules I can stick to since my love is back. No looking at bridal magazines and No looking at wedding rings. I will add a few rules to make up for my stealing of rules. Such as:
Don't be alone in a dark room with any males.
No rushing into things.
Don't be physically intimate. (Ew)
Don't be clingy.
No getting engaged until I am 20. :)

So yes, I am in a relationship with someone I love. He makes me happy. If you have a problem with me being happy then I am sorry but please leave me alone. I am still 100% committed to finding out who I am and loving myself. I have already learned in these past few weeks to love myself and it feels wonderful.

Yesterday I almost lost my best friend over what was happening. Mr. Wonderful and I started talking again and Theresa got upset. She was afraid that I was going to get hurt again. She was afraid that I would trust too soon. We got upset at each other in the middle of WalMart and I slapped her and she punched me. She almost stabbed me with a colored pencil too but she knew it would've killed me. I deserved it. So there we sat in the middle of the pasta isle crying our eyes out like little girls do and it was an emotional roller coaster for both of us. We expressed our feelings and talked it over. I know she cares about me. I learned that I am lucky to have such a forgiving and loving, caring best friend like Theresa. I would never trade anything in the world for a moment that I spend with her. She is cooler than sliced bread. She is hotter than the sun and I love her to pieces. We are going to live next door to each other one day.


As you may have noticed, it has been quite a number of days since I have last blogged. Things have been very hectic in my life and I have barely taken the time to sit down and eat. A lot has changed. So let me update you.
Last Wednesday we were supposed to have a house showing. The people never showed up. I learned that day that I was hopeful. Even though they didn't show up I still was hopeful that someone would buy the house very soon.
Last Thursday was my friend Kyle's birthday. I don't really remember doing much that day except attempted to pack. I am forgetful. I forgot pretty much everything about that day. I didn't celebrate or anything special I just forgot.
Last Friday I spontaneously hung out with some of my friends at a pool party. I believe I made one of my friend's girlfriend very upset at me. Sometimes I can be overbearing.
Saturday was cool. I woke up with several dreams. I had a dream that I was walking by a cactus and it got scared of me so it shot all it spikes into my foot. I think my subconscious is confusing cacti with porcupine. I also had a dream that I met a family a water park that lost their son. I was determined to find him so I stayed there all night and found him the next day. I also had a dream that part of my body was mutilated and dangling in places it shouldn't have been. It was bizarre and disturbing. But most importantly I dreamed that an LDS family with two children bought our house. When I woke up I only shared the first three dreams and kept the last one to myself for fear of being too hopeful. I put a lot of importance and meaning into dreams. I am a dreamer. We had a showing of the house. It was just a lady and her realtor that came. The funniest thing happened. I was sitting upstairs on the computer when they came up there and lady looking for a house said, "That's a cute teenager!" So I replied, "Sorry, I don't come with the house."
Sunday I finally went to church for the first time in weeks. I was late but I still felt the spirit I always do when I enter the house of the Lord. I have never actually mentioned this in a blog before but something that I hold near and dear to my heart is that I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I make a lot of mistakes and I know I will continue to make them but I know that I am a daughter of God and I know he loves me. I am LDS. August 1st was the eleventh anniversary of my baptism and I feel bad that I didn't go to church that day. I should have celebrated by going to church. But I make mistakes and I know I can be forgiven. That is what I am working on.
Monday was a two-part day for me. It started off with a showing at 10am. The lady from Saturday came back with her husband and a camera. It turned out that they were looking for a house for their son and daughter-in-law and two grand children who are moving here from overseas. They are from the Bennett's Creek ward. They are the LDS family I dreamed about. When they told us they wanted to buy it I had to stop myself from crying. My hope and my dreams didn't go to waste. Part two started when a friend from Courtland was really depressed. I drove an hour there to go comfort him even though he was at work at the time. I learned that I am the rescuer. I want to save my friends from their sadness and pain.
Tuesday I went to see my therapist. I see her once a week every week. I love her. She is wonderful. Something she asked was how I felt about my parents moving so far away. I told her I hadn't developed feelings yet. But we worked on it for a while and figured out that I am scared. Every time I leave or someone else leaves, I get afraid that they will find someone to replace me. Then I don't even want to talk to them because I feel like they don't miss me. If you are a friend reading this that lives more than two miles away from me and I don't talk to you everyday, this should explain why. I'm afraid that I'm not good enough for you anymore. Please forgive me for ignoring you. I still love you all. I am insecure.
Wednesday is going to take up a whole other page.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Oh NOES!!!

Apparently Blogger thinks that my blog is a "spam" blog. I'm not sure how they got that idea. There isn't any crazy repetition in my blog or any links in it either. I'm just a girl trying to learn about myself and share my findings with whoever wants to read it. They are going to review it and if they decide in twenty days that it is indeed a spam blog, they will shut me down permanently. Yikes! But I really don't feel I have anything to worry about. It's just my life they are reviewing.
So some things that have been on my mind lately probably for about a week. I have this friend who has another friend I used to be friends with. I used to be pretty good friends with him in fact. One time at a party he got sick so I cleaned up his puke when no one else would. Now, four months later, this person is saying things about me behind my back to my friend. Things that would normally make one not want to be friends with the talked about person anymore. But thankfully, he is being a good friend and not letting his friend get to him. But the thing that hurts is that the things that were said were completely false. If he is saying them to my friend to try to turn him against me, who else is he saying them to? I am baffled that a person could stoop so low to be so mean. It hurts me and confuses me. I have learned something about people that I wish wasn't true but sometimes people will cut someone down to make them feel better about themselves. I am being the victim and it hurts like no other.

I am sensitive. Words hurt me when they are sharp like a knife. I feel other people's pain when they are being picked on because I remember being in their shoes.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Summing Up the Shenandoah

As you may have noticed, I am a few days behind on my blog. I will sum everything up into a nice short little blog instead of several longer ones. The last day I blogged about (besides yesterday) was last Monday.

Tuesday I was contemplating freedom and what a great country we live in. I has been on my mind for quite a while now but I am finally putting it in words. I love America. I love being free. I can't imaging living in a country where I didn't have the freedom to choose what religion I want or whether or not I wanted an education. Some countries force you to get one and some don't even allow women to set foot in a school. I love the rolling mountains. I love the beautiful cornfields. I love the big blue skies. I love the city lights. I love being American. I am patriotic.

Wednesday Jackie came up to the Shenandoah. She loved it. I barely knew Jackie until she came and then we became closer. We are pretty tight now. I loved how we were just so comfortable around each other. I am friendly.

Thursday we all went to the outdoor pool. The indoor one was closed for maintenance. We were acting like goof balls in the pool trying to knock each other off our noodles we were floating on. Then I randomly decided I was bored so I said let's go play on the play ground. We had "see who can swing the highest" competitions. Then we took some pretty awesome pictures of us in this tunnel that makes us look ten feet tall. I am silly. I like to do fun stuff that most people think is strange.

Friday we had to leave. We had to wake up early and pack everything. I was feeling like garbage because I only got about two hours of sleep but I still managed to get everything out of there and things cleaned the way the wanted them in time for us to have Matt back to get to work. I am responsible. Give me a task that needs to be done in a certain amount of time and you can count on me (not the old me, but the new me).

Saturday I was at my dad's house. We were just chilling out in their pool. My dad came up with this fun game. You sit on a floaty like it's a horse and try to get this little tiny ball in the floating basket. You have to stay on your horse or it doesn't count. I found out that I am terrible at that game and I hate playing games for long periods of time unless I have at least a couple of points. I always want to quit Monopoly when I only have $150 dollars left. I usually want to quit games that I have no luck in unless they are really fun and I'm playing on a team. I hate to admit this but I am a poor sport on the inside.

Best Birthday EVER

Yesterday was my 19th birthday. I did some pretty CrAzY things. None that I regretted thankfully. First things first. As some of you may have noticed, I was in an "open relationship" with my very good friend Apollos. And then we were engaged. Then we broke up. And now we "hate" each other. None of this is true. It is all a joke. We did it just for fun because it was my birthday and wanted to be spontaneous.
Secondly and very sadly, I did not go to church on my birthday. I would have loved to celebrate my very special day at church eleven years after I was baptized and confirmed a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints but I was running way too late and I was planning on leaving early anyway. On my way to church I took the wrong exit which ended up being my ex-boyfriend, Kyle's exit. We just started talking to each other again the night before for the first time in six months. I knew he would be at work so I decided to stop by and say hi. I dropped in for a while and followed him while he stocked the shelves of Food Lion. It was rather entertaining as I watched him use his box cutter, barely missing his hand. While he was helping a customer on another isle I decided to play a joke and turn all the corn around backwards so just the nutrition label was showing. But when he came back he told me I had to leave so the joke went unnoticed.
I came home and made some vanilla chocolate chip pudding and watched the last episode of season one America's Next Top Model while I waited for my friend Nick to arrive. We had made plans last week to go and see the movie Salt. When he finally showed up he ate some pudding and I had three cookies he promised me (it was a great birthday present). We left and went to chill at the mall before our 4:30 showing. We went into several stores and did nothing. Then like idiots we ran down the up escalator and almost got kicked out of the mall. It was the absolute highlight of my day. After that we decided to have a fake argument about nonsensical stuff right in the middle of the mall. After getting a several strange looks we quit our faux fight and looked at puppies in the pet shop. It was getting to be the time for our movie so we headed out. We bought our tickets and sat in the seventh row on the right side. After a while we decided to move to the third row.
Finally the previews started but Nick and I barely noticed. We were too busy laughing and telling stories to each other. After about ten minutes into the movie we decided to leave because we weren't paying any attention to the movie. We were talking and just disturbing people. We headed on over to Taco Bell and ate some yummies. We talked and joked and laughed some more. We caught up on life and remembered all the good times we had when we were younger. After a while we realized that it was getting late. Nick had a long drive back home and I wanted to hang out with my best friend Theresa before my day was through. Nick drove me to Theresa's sister's house then took us to Jason's house where Kyle was hanging out for the night.
Nick departed and Terri and I surprised Jason immensely. Jason knew that Kyle and I strongly disliked each other for the longest time and thought that we would never be friends again. But Kyle and I hugged and proved him wrong. We watched a chick-flick and couple of us went to McDonald's to grab some grub. When we came back Apollos and Jason's gf showed up and we played Apples to Apples. The green cards that you win are supposed to describe you. I won Scrumptulecent (a word that Jason made up) and Confused.
Around 10, Kyle took Theresa and me home. She and I decided to go to WalMart to get some Ramen Noodles. More to come on this story later. So we hopped in my car and went to the Wally World next to my school where a friend of mine works stocking cold stuff. We talked to him for a really long time and ran around the place like chickens with our heads cut off. We stole my Jacob's produce sharpie and wrote on each other. After a while we finally realized they were never going to stock Chicken flavored Ramen so we blew that popsicle stand and went to another WalMart. We could only find a 12 pack so we committed ourselves to eating six packs each when we got home. Cashier 18 was HOTT! I just had to say that.
We finally got home, washed off our sharpie and p.j.ed it up. I made four packs of Ramen and we almost hurled at the sight of so many noodles, nevertheless we ate. I couldn't finish mine but Theresa was a beast! Now I just have a big pack of Ramen sitting on my counter looking lonely crying for us to eat it. Overall, it was the most random but best birthday ever.

I am random. I will always do things spontaneously. Do you want to go mud-wrestling? No? OK... Why don't squids use telescopes? Can you give my wristwatch a massage? Let's play HOPSCOTCH! 1-2-3-fish-5-6-potato-8-9-10. You WIN! Can we play again?

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Driving Myself Even Crazier...

Yesterday my dad and step-mom left so it was just Austin and me for the night. Today was Monday, a very eventful day. It should have been less eventful but as we all know, things don't always turn out the way you want them.
Austin and I woke up at 5:00am so we could go pick up my friend Matt. I thought Austin would be hard to wake up but he was actually the one to wake me up. We ate a light breakfast of chocolate pebbles then hopped in the car and started our journey. I was so surprised that neither of us was tired after only getting about three hours of sleep. We drove, and drove, and drove some more, and kept on driving. I don't mind driving on one road for hundreds of miles. Just as long as I have some scenery or a couple of lanes to keep things interesting. The part of the journey I hated the most was when we came up to a road that was one lane each direction and corn fields all around. I had to drive that road for 23 miles. Not a single speed limit sign so I never knew how fast to go and there were some pretty wicked curves too. So that only slowed me down.
We finally got there around 10:00am. I left a box of stuff at Matt's house so we would have some space when we all came home. We loaded up Matt, his bags, and his guitar and headed off. We were all enjoying ourselves with pleasant conversation and fun music until about 170 miles away from our final destination. Then dun, dun, dun... The worst happened. I heard a thu-bump bump noise and saw a piece of tire fly. I thought maybe I just ran over someone's flat tire so I asked, "Was that our tire?" Then, BAM! All the weight of our car shifted towards the front left tire. It scared me so bad. I pulled over to the left shoulder as quickly as I could and got to work. We unpacked the trunk looking for the spare. We used our sad little jack to prop up the car and I called my dad. While the boys were taking the old tire off, I was panicking on the phone inside my lopsided car. My father told me to go to a used tire place and have them put a used tire on my wheel because there was no way I would be able to drive over a hundred miles on just a spare. Just then the car collapsed. The jack slipped out of place and gouged the side of my car. The tire was loosely sitting on the base. I was worried it was going to mess up the car but everything was ok. A road-side assistant pulled up right behind me and helped us out. He pulled out his jack that put my wimpy jack to shame and went to work. Well actually he just gave us the tools and told us what to do. He gave me directions to a used tire place and we all headed down the road. I drove very carefully for seven and a half miles. But had to keep slowing down because my spare was flat! All we heard was ka-plunk, ka-plunk, ka-plunk. I was so worried that the spare would die on me too. All I could vision was me spinning out uncontrollably and dying.
We finally got to the used tire place and they knew just what to do. They took my old popped tire off the wheel, put a new one on and pumped some air in it for only $30! We all got the great idea that if they could fill the regular tire why not pump a little of that air in my spare? Air should be free right? Wrong. The guy took my spare and pumped a little bit of air in it then *pop* It split to pieces. The head manager came over and asked if we still wanted the spare. I was like duh... I'm going to need something if this happens again. But of course I was polite and just said yes, please. So he proceeded to tell us both tires would be $55. My brother got livid and Matt pulled out the big guns. They both flipped out on him and told him we weren't paying for a tire they broke. We only wanted air in the spare not to have the whole tire replaced but his mechanic made that impossible. He walked away while I stood there and worried for a while. I was worried we were going to have to pay for it no matter what.
Alas he came back with with a receipt for just $30. We were so happy. But I will tell you, I worried the entire ride back that we would get another flat. But we were ok. We made it all the way safe and sound.

I am a worry wart. Little things worry me and I will drive myself insane until they are resolved. Sometimes I enjoy worrying, especially about the little things.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

Today I woke up with a little bit of a headache. My family wanted to go into town and look at the shops with me but since I wasn't feeling well they decided to let me rest on the couch. I slept for probably about two more hours and then woke up to watch Disney Channel. Hours and hours of Disney Channel. I was so excited when I found out there was a show called "Hannah Montana Forever." I thought Miley was done with all the Hannah Montana stuff but COOL! Now I have more shows to watch. I just recently watched all the episodes of Sunny With a Chance. I LOVED them. Especially when Sunny and Chad finally start dating. I almost gave up on them. Just like I almost gave up on Bailey and Cody on The Suite Life On Deck. But they've been together for a year now! How cute is that?! I don't know... I just really love kids shows. Don't even get me started on Phineas and Pherb. I lllllooooove that show! Hahaha, oh and when my family got back they were like, "What's going on here? Did Nerissa just take some little girl pills?" Ok, I think I've figured out what I am today.

I am child-like. I like children's television shows. I am innocent (sometimes). I like to play with legos and other toys that are meant only for children.